The gift shop
Pay for the joke. Keep the stats.
Every item is a deterministic digital novelty or tool access. You always know exactly what you're getting — which, statistically speaking, is more than any booster pack has ever offered you.
Standard Blessing
$1
A quick blessing for your next pack. Comes with a shareable blessing card and exactly zero statistical advantage.
- Shareable blessing card
- Pack name & timestamp
- Comedic prayer
- Public/private option
Most blessed
Premium Blessing
$5
Extra holy, still random. Includes a premium blessing card plus an EV/odds readout when data is available.
- Premium card design
- EV/odds readout
- Set/pack notes
- Affiliate links to listings
- Share link
Deluxe Divine Intervention
$10
Personalized blessing, certificate, leaderboard glory and dramatic spiritual theater. Probability remains undefeated.
- Personalized name
- Deluxe certificate
- Premium EV report
- Leaderboard placement
- Shareable card
Monthly Tithe
$5/month
Become a Devoted Member. Unlimited standard blessings, saved history, member badge, ad-free experience and advanced tools.
- Unlimited standard blessings
- Advanced EV tools
- Saved blessings & watchlist
- Member badge & pew flair
- No ads
Also in the gift shop: $2 Prayer Candle, $3 Playful Curse, $1 Absolution Stamp.
Blessings are for fun. Stats are estimates. Pulls are random.
Every paid item is a deterministic digital novelty or tool access: you always get exactly what the tier lists, delivered immediately. Nothing sold here is a chance to win anything.
Frequently asked
Are these purchases refundable?
Digital items are delivered immediately. If something went wrong with a charge, contact us within 14 days and a human will sort it out.
Does any tier improve my pack odds?
No tier, candle, curse, or prayer changes pack odds. Higher tiers buy more elaborate jokes and more useful stats — never better pulls.
What's in the Monthly Tithe?
Unlimited standard blessings, advanced EV tools, saved blessings, a member badge, and an ad-free experience. Cancel anytime; access runs to the end of the billing period.
Is there anything chance-based for sale?
No. Every product is deterministic: you see exactly what you get before paying. We sell jokes and tools, not chances.